


Panicked

by ForbiddenToast



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Insecurity, M/M, Van Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 20:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4194603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForbiddenToast/pseuds/ForbiddenToast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick’s mind is buzzing, it’s a whirlwind of thoughts and he’s struggling to keep up with it and process what’s happening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panicked

**Author's Note:**

> **Edit (21/7/16): ******  
> Originally Patrick was like 16/17 in this (since where I live the age of consent is 16 I didn't see a problem with it) but I've since realised it chops and changes a lot in America from state to state (plus there's like laws about certain age gaps I don't really understand. Again different country sorry) so to be on the safe side I changed his age to 18 - Pete can still be 21 if you want, it's up for interpretation I guess.
> 
> The last thing I wanted to do when I originally wrote this over a year ago was to upset anyone so in case I did, sorry and I hope you enjoy :)

Patrick’s mind is buzzing, it’s a whirlwind of thoughts and he’s struggling to keep up with it and process what’s happening.

He’s aware he’s on his back in Joe’s too warm van; that much he knows. There’s no way he’d miss the fact Pete’s on top of him either, kissing him like he needs it to live and there’s slim fingers tangling themselves in his hair. Keeping his head in the perfect place for Pete to continue to kiss him.

This isn’t anything new, they’ve made out in Joe’s shitty van before; after shows, at night before going to sleep and even that time when someone from _an actual record label_ showed interest in signing them.  It’s just an extremely good perk of being Pete Wentz’s eighteen year old boyfriend Patrick thinks.

Patrick’s two day old t-shirt is clinging to his back with sweat, it’s the middle of July and the sun’s beating down on the van and the fact that he has Pete (who just seems to radiate heat) on top of him isn’t helping.

He knows Pete’s mumbling things into his mouth when they have to break for air, knows the words are probably something that’s making his cheeks turn an annoying shade of pink but they’re lost in the feel of Pete and the taste of him and just the buzz of the show they finished playing half an hour ago. 

His head though, is only now catching onto the fact that Pete’s shirtless and panting into his mouth. In the whirlwind he’s missed the fact that a hand has left the safe space in his hair and is inching underneath his sticky t-shirt and he doesn’t subconsciously suck in his stomach. He doesn’t.

He knows he’s tensed for a few seconds with the first ghost of a fingertip on his chest, he knows it but he pretends not to notice, and in response Pete doesn’t so he forces himself to relax.

This is no different from normal, Pete’s just trying something _slightly_ different. It’ll all be okay in a second when he adjusts; it’s just like the first time Pete asked to kiss him and he panicked for no reason. It turned out to be great, so why is this any different?

Except it is, because Patrick’s suddenly unsure of what he’s meant to do. Does he run his hands over Pete’s sculpted torso as well or is he meant to do something different?

And when that insecurity pops up, it’s like it opens a floodgate Patrick thought he was doing well to keep shut. Because his mind’s realizing that this is _Pete_ and he’s _Patrick_ and in no way should Pete be making out with someone like him.

His mind isn’t a whirlwind anymore, it’s turned into a blind panic which somehow coordinates itself enough to make a startled sound into Pete’s mouth and try and shimmy away from invasive hands.

“Whoa, whoa,” Pete says quickly, backing up when Patrick’s trembling hands (when did they start doing that?) try to shove his away. “What’s wrong?”

Patrick’s brain’s trying to scramble for a believable excuse that isn’t _I’m fucking terrified and why are you wasting your time with someone like me when there’s thousands of willing men and women?_ But his mouth is already stumbling with “Shit, I-, I-“ and he realizes just what a mess he’s created and how he’s always going to be a messed up freak that can’t handle the first bit of intimacy.

In that time though, Pete’s already backing off him slowly and gathering Patrick into a hug. He hasn’t a clue what’s wrong but that’s not going to stop him from trying to fix it.

“Hey,” He soothes when Patrick’s still trying to get the right words out to _make Pete understand_ , because Pete would never do this. He’s the living, breathing example of confidence and violation of personal space and Patrick’s just _not._ “Patrick?”

“I-It’s, I’m sorry, shit Pete. I just,” His lip's quivering on Pete’s bare shoulder and he wants to curl up somewhere, anywhere, away from what's happening. “I just, I don’t know what came over me and I just,”

Maybe if Patrick’s brain wasn’t so focused on the hand rubbing circles into his back he could explain properly and give Pete the explanation he deserves, because Patrick believes the one he’s blabbering is laughter worthy. 

“Panicked?” Pete offers, and feels the hesitant nod Patrick gives.

“Y-yeah…” He chokes out and squeezes Pete in a silent form of an apology because for fuck sakes, he’s eighteen . Things like this shouldn’t freak him out, he’s in a van that he travels across the country in with his three best (and only) friends. He sings their shitty songs in front of people and he’s scared yeah, but never once has he ran off stage nearly crying and shaking like a leaf.

Seeming to read the strawberry blonde’s mind, Pete starts to assure him that he has nothing to be sorry about, these things happen and that “S’okay ‘Trick, promise. Just tell me next time if you feel outta your depth okay? Bein’ comfortable is the only thing I want you to be.”

Nodding again (he’s not sure if his mind’s capable of thinking of any sort of response) Patrick clings tighter and lets Pete soothe him with soft reassurances and random kisses on his shoulder. If Patrick could get past this child-like fear, he could see himself wanting to be as intimate with Pete as possible in the future. They just both have to work with what they’re comfortable with at the minute.

**Author's Note:**

> I ended up writing most of this during work experience today, whoops.


End file.
